Bollum talks to Barbara


	BOLLUM TALKS TO BARBARA
	Bonus tracks from "The Awakening Human Being" by Barbara Berger
	In the book Barbara writes the following introduction to the dialogues below: "When you read these transcripts of conversations I sometimes have in my head (on the following pages) between the part of me that is waking up to reality and the part of me that is still confused, you will see that I’m just like Smeagol/Gollum in “The Lord of the Rings”. Does this sound familiar?"
	Bollum talks to Barbara – about being productive Bollum: You really should get up off your sofa Barbara and get to work. You’ve got books to write and things to do. Barbara: But lying here is so blissful. Bollum: Blissful? Who needs blissful, you’ve got to work! Be productive, make money, achieve! You can’t do that lying on your sofa! Barbara: But lying here is so blissful! Isn’t that what the Spiritual Pathway is about anyway? Being present in the moment? Bollum: Well you can do that when you get old. Barbara: But I am old! Bollum: Well not old enough. Barbara: Well if I keep on waiting, I’ll be dead by the time I have time to enjoy the bliss of being here now. Bollum: Oh come on girl. Pull yourself together. You don’t deserve to live unless you are productive. Barbara: Really? You’re making me nervous. Bollum: You should be with your work ethic! If everyone was like you the whole world would go under. Barbara: Is that true? Bollum: Sure it’s true. How will you ever get a big house on the beach? Barbara: What do I need a big house on the beach for? Bollum: Well it’s a sign of success and happiness. Barbara: Is that true? What does a big house have to do with happiness? I’m feeling perfectly happy right now lying on my sofa. Bollum: You’re hopeless. You’ll never be a success. Bollum talks to Barbara – about staring at a blank wall Bollum: What are you doing Barbara? Barbara: I'm sitting, looking at a blank wall. Bollum: WHAT? Barbara: And breathing... Bollum: You're doing what? Barbara: I'm meditating. Bollum: Meditating? Sounds like you're wasting time to me. You should be doing something productive. Barbara: I am. Bollum: You call sitting and staring at a white wall doing something productive? Barbara: Yes. Bollum: What is productive about what you are doing? Barbara: I'm watching my mind. Bollum: Watching your mind? What good is that? Barbara: Well it's helping me understand the nature of mind and this thing called life. Bollum: You don't need to understand anything Barbara, all you need to do is get busy. That's the only way to achieve anything in this life. Barbara: Are you sure about that? Bollum: Of course I'm sure. How do you think famous people get famous? Barbara: Why would I want to be famous? Bollum: Everyone wants to be famous. Barbara: Really? What good will fame do me or anyone else? Bollum: Well then you can get on TV and people will listen to what you have to say. Barbara: And what will I have to say if I'm so busy running around that I'm never present in this moment? Bollum: OK OK, but right now, I think you've had enough of this staring at the white wall business for today. You can't do this every day... I mean what will people think? Barbara: So now you want me to worry about what people will think? Bollum: Of course! What people think is important. You don't want people to think you are weird. If anybody caught you sitting and staring at a white wall ... what would they think??? Bollum talks to Barbara – about making an impression Bollum: You can't go meet such an important person looking like that! Barbara: Looking like what? Bollum: Like you look! Barbara: What do you mean? Bollum: Well you're wearing your old jeans and a sweater to begin with! And not very much make-up. Barbara: What's wrong with my old jeans and a sweater—and with not wearing much make-up? Bollum: Well you want to make a good impression don't you? Barbara: What do my jeans and sweater and make-up have to do with making a good impression? Bollum: Oh come on Barbara. You know you need to look "hip and trendy" to make an impression. Everyone knows that! Barbara: Really? I thought people were interested in the energy you radiate and whether or not your presence is uplifting, loving and positive... Bollum: I don't know about that, all I know is you'd definitely make a better impression if you were wearing your Armani jeans instead of your old Levis! Barbara: You might be right, but if that's the case, I'm not sure I want to make such a good impression. If all people care about is my clothes and my make-up... well who needs it! Bollum: But you've got to be realistic girl! That's the way the world is... I'm just trying to help you be a success out there... Barbara: You are always talking about being a success... what about having integrity and being honest? Bollum: Well that might sound good—but how far will it get you in this world? Barbara: Well I don't know, but I'm sure going to give it a try. Bollum: You're hopeless, hopeless! With your attitude, you might as well say goodbye to fame and fortune forever! I'm going shopping! Maybe I'll be able to find some decent clothes for you now that the sales are on! Bollum talks to Barbara – about meeting people Bollum: Barbara you really need to get out there and meet some new people. Barbara: Really? Bollum: Yeah girl, you can't just sit here by yourself all the time. Barbara: I can't... Bollum: No girl, you got to be social. You know. You got to get out there and meet people. Barbara: I do? Bollum: Yeah you do... Otherwise you'll never be happy. Barbara: What does meeting other people have to do with being happy? Bollum: Oh come on dear, you know that human beings are social animals. Barbara: Do I? Bollum: Sometimes you are so dense. Didn't you learn in school the importance of making friends and networking? That's what keeps society together. Barbara: No I can't remember learning anything like that in school. In fact, I can't remember learning anything in school at all. Bollum: Oh yeah, I forgot, you went to school in America. And all you do there is memorize stuff for tests. Well anyway, here in Denmark where you now live, people learn the importance of socializing. Barbara: They do? I don't find the Danes very social. Bollum: No, you're right. Maybe that's why they teach it in school here. But we're getting off the subject. I just wanted to point out to you that you can't just sit on your sofa all day long and bliss out, you've got to get out there and meet people if you want to be happy. Barbara: But I'm perfectly happy sitting on my sofa blissing out as you call it. What can other people give me that I don't already have? Bollum: What can other people give you? Well they can give you happiness you jerk! Barbara: Happiness? You mean that I need other people to be happy? Bollum: Obviously. No one can be happy without other people. Barbara: Really? That's an interesting thought. But is it true? Bollum: Of course it's true. Barbara: Well not in my experience. I've been with other people lots of times and felt absolutely miserable. Bollum: Well that's your own fault my dear. You've got to learn to compromise and do what other people want you to do if you're going to be happy when you're with other people. Barbara: Exactly... so why would I want to do that when I'm already perfectly happy sitting on my sofa blissing out all by myself. I don't need to compromise with anybody about anything to do that. Bollum: Look I've got this great idea for you. I've just found this fantastic dating site for you on the Internet. Barbara: Really? Bollum: Yeah really. All you have to do is go online and I'm sure you'll meet all these fantastic men you can hang out with. Barbara: And why would I want to do that? I'm still recovering from my last disastrous relationship! Bollum: I know, but you've got to move on and have fun! Barbara: But I am having fun sitting here on my sofa just blissing out. Bollum: Look Barbara... all you have to do is click here... it's really easy... Bollum talks to Barbara – about making a plan Bollum: Barbara, you’ve got to take control of your life girl! Barbara: Really? Bollum: Yes really! What a question! If you don’t take control, things will get out of hand. Barbara: Really? Is it true? Bollum: Of course it’s true my precious. You have to get a grip and take charge of your life. Barbara: I do? Bollum: Of course you do. Barbara: So what do you suggest? Bollum: Well first of all you have to make a plan. Barbara: A plan? Bollum: You have to have a clear goal and make a plan on how to achieve it. Barbara: Really? I’m doing just fine the way I am. Bollum: Oh come on girl. Without a plan—without a clear roadmap as to how you are going to move forward in life—you’ll never get anywhere. Barbara: But why would I want to go anywhere? I’m perfectly happy right where I am. Bollum: How can you be perfectly happy right now? No one knows you, you’re not famous or rich or anything. You’re just a middle-aged woman who likes to lie on her sofa a lot. You’re an absolute nothing. Barbara: Well it’s true I’m not rich or famous or anything and I do like to lie on my sofa a lot, feeling perfectly happy! So I can’t see why I need a plan. Bollum: Well a plan will help you go somewhere. Barbara: But I just told you, I don’t want to go anywhere. Bollum: You seem to think everything’s perfect right here. Barbara: Yes that’s true. Everything is perfect right here. Bollum: Well I don’t see it! Barbara: Obviously you don’t see it but I do! Bollum: What’s so perfect about this moment? Barbara: What’s not so perfect about this moment? Bollum: Well you could have more. Barbara: More of what? Bollum: More of everything! Barbara: And why would I want more of everything? Bollum: Because then you’d be happy! Barbara: But I told you I’m already happy! Bollum: But how can you be happy with so little? Barbara: What does “having stuff” have to do with happiness? Bollum: Well you have to “have stuff” to be happy, everyone knows that. Barbara: Really? That’s not my experience. In my experience, happiness is what I am. Bollum: Oh now you’ve really lost me… Barbara: Obviously! Bollum talks to Barbara – about being single Bollum: Everyone knows it's better to be in a relationship than to be single. Barbara: They do? Bollum: Of course. Why do you think everyone's trying to find a partner? Barbara: I just read that 51% of the women in the US are now single. So there are more single women in the US than there are women in relationships... and there are 1,000,000 singles in Denmark (with a population of 5,000,000) and 200,000 singles in Copenhagen alone... Bollum: Well just think how many women there are out there who are trying to find partners! It must be great for single men! Barbara: Well what if they don't want partners? Bollum: But of course they do. Barbara: All 51% of them? Bollum: Yes all 51% of them... Barbara: You mean to say there isn't one woman out there who is happy being single? Bollum: I doubt it very much. Barbara: But you can't know for sure can you? Bollum: Well I guess not—but how can anyone be single and happy at the same time? Barbara: Well I'm single and pretty happy... Bollum: Oh you... but you're so weird Barbara, you know that? Barbara: Really? So I'm weird because I'm single and sometimes happy! Bollum: Definitely. No one can find happiness without another person. Barbara: But is that true? Bollum: Absolutely. Barbara: Well if what you are saying is true, it means that millions of women (and men too) are doomed to unhappiness for the rest of their lives because they don't have a partner. Bollum: Yup! That's why I keep telling you to go online and find a partner, Barbara. It's important for your happiness! Barbara: So what you are really saying is that my happiness depends on someone else? Bollum: Yup that's exactly what I'm saying! Barbara: And that my happiness has nothing to do with me? Bollum: Well a little... I mean you've got to be a sweet person too... Barbara: Oh... so now you're saying my happiness has a little bit to do with me... Bollum: Well sometimes... but now you're twisting my words around. I just want you to go out there and meet a man and have some fun girl! Barbara: But why do I need a man to have fun? Bollum: Oh sometimes you are so dense girl—don't you read the women's magazines? You've got to have a man to have fun, that's all they write about... pick up any magazine and you'll see what I'm talking about... Barbara: Yeah that's why I don't read women's magazines... I don't want my happiness ruined by their ridiculous ideas... they don't know what they're talking about as far as I can see. My happiness depends on what's going on in my head—not on any man... Bollum: Oh there you go again with all this mind stuff. No wonder no man wants to be with you! Barbara: What do you mean by that? Bollum: Well you're always saying that your happiness is up to you... Barbara: Well it is... Bollum: Well what man could live with that! Men want women to make them happy! Any idiot knows that! Barbara: Yeah... which is exactly why I don't want to hang out with most men... Bollum: Oh you're hopeless... hopeless... Barbara: Yeah me and all the rest of us single women! Bollum talks to Barbara – about the financial crisis Bollum: It’s just terrible. I don’t know what we’re going to do! Barbara: About what? Bollum: About the financial crisis, you nitwit… don’t you read the newspapers? Barbara: Yes, I do read the newspapers… Bollum: Well then you should know, this is a very serious situation, we could starve. Barbara: Really? Bollum: Yes my dear… STARVE! Barbara: Well last time I looked (5 minutes ago), I had plenty of food in my refrigerator. Bollum: Oh I’m not talking about now silly! I’m talking about the future. Barbara: Oh I see. Well I don’t know about the future. Bollum: Obviously, that’s why I think we need a plan. Barbara: A plan for what? Bollum: A plan to survive. Barbara: Oh so you think we can make a plan to survive the financial crisis? Bollum: Of course we can. Barbara: Really? Well what do you think we should do Mr. WiseGuy—go out and force people to buy my books at gunpoint? Bollum: Now you’re just being silly. Barbara: Well what do you mean? Bollum: Well first of all, you’ve got to start by saving. Barbara: Really? What should I save? I don’t buy anything to begin with. Bollum: Well you know, cut down on frivolous stuff like expensive make-up and designer clothes and travels to exotic places… you know. Barbara: Well I don’t use expensive makeup or wear designer clothes or go on exotic travels to begin with… you know that… according to you all I do is bliss out on my sofa… Bollum: Hmm. Barbara: So what else can I do? Bollum: You know this makes me really worried. There must be something you can cut down on? Barbara: I’m sure there is. Bollum: But you know the danger is with everyone cutting down on their consumption the whole economy will come to a standstill… Barbara: Well that’s what they say but you know I was thinking that this slowdown must be good for the environment… you know with everyone consuming less… Bollum: Oh come on! Barbara: No I’m serious. Just think about how good this is for the environment. Factories are making less so there’s less waste and less CO2 emission and people are buying fewer cars and travelling less so there’s less CO2 emission and… Bollum: I never thought about that… Barbara: Well maybe you should. Maybe this so-called financial crisis is Mother Earth’s way of making a much needed adjustment. Bollum: Really? Barbara: Well if we can’t cut down on our ridiculous over-consumption and stop trashing the planet by ourselves, maybe Mother Earth is doing it for us. Bollum: But what about all the people who are out of work and who might starve? Barbara: Well maybe that’s Mother Earth’s way of telling us to get our act together and start taking better care of the planet and of each other too… instead of just reading fashion magazines and thinking about ourselves… Bollum: Oh there you go again… Bollum talks to Barbara – about making more money (again)! Bollum: You should be making more money Barbara. Barbara: That’s what you said last week. Bollum: But it’s true, you should. Barbara: More money than what? Bolllum: More money that you’re making right now stupid! Barbara: But I’m not. Bollum: I noticed and it sucks. Barbara: What sucks? Bollum: The fact that you’re not making more money. Barbara: Like how does it suck? Bollum: Well we could starve. Barbara: You said that before too. Bollum: Well nothing’s changed and the world economy is going to the dogs! Barbara: You said that before too. Bollum: But you’re obviously not listening… I want you to listen! Barbara: I am listening and you’re giving me a headache! Bollum: Well it’s important! Barbara: Is it important to give me a headache? Bollum: No stupid, listening to me is important! Barbara: Why is listening to you important, you’re driving me crazy. Bollum: Well if you listen to me you might do something! Barbara: I was doing something! Bollum: Like what? Barbara: I was having a good time. Bollum: A good time—when the world is going under! Barbara: Everything looks fine to me. Bollum: You’re hopeless… If only I could talk some sense into you. Barbara: Your idea of sense gives me a headache. Bollum: But life isn’t a dance on roses my dear. Barbara: No? Bollum: Now stop being silly will you? Barbara: I’m not being silly. Life looks pretty good to me… as far as I can see. Bollum: You must be totally blind. Can’t you see what’s going on? Barbara: Yes perfectly. I was sitting here having a perfectly good time until you showed up. Bollum: Now you’re insulting my intelligence! Barbara: Well what’s so intelligent about wanting me to overlook the beauty of this moment? Bollum: You can’t just live on this moment. Barbara: Really? I didn’t know there was any other option! Bollum: Of course there is girl. You’ve got to be serious and make plans. Barbara: I am serious and my plan is to be here now and enjoy the beauty of this moment. Bollum: But a plan like that will get you nowhere. Barbara: And where exactly should I go. Bollum: Forward silly! Barbara: Forward? Bollum: You know, make more money so we’ll be secure and happy tomorrow. Barbara: What about being secure and happy right now! Bollum: You can’t live forever on that! Barbara: Are you sure? Bollum talks to Barbara – about finding a new relationship Bollum: The guy you went out with the other night seems like a pretty nice man Barbara. Barbara: Yes he was OK. Bollum: Well that’s great. Barbara: Why is that great? Bollum: Because now you have someone you can be in a relationship with! Barbara: A relationship? Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone like him? Bollum: Well you just said he was nice. Barbara: What does nice have to do with it? Bollum: Well you have to be with someone! Barbara: I do? Bollum: Yes woman. You can’t spend the rest of your life living alone. Barbara: Really. Why not? Bollum: Well it’s scary to live alone, you know that. Barbara: What’s scary about living alone? I thought it was even more scary living with someone the last time I tried it! Bollum: But that was your own fault woman. You were too stubborn, hanging on to your career and ideas like you did. You know you have to make compromises if you live with a man. You just can’t have everything your way. Barbara: So I noticed. Bollum: Yes you have to compromise if you want it to work. Barbara: But is that really true? Bollum: Of course it’s really true. Everyone knows that. You have to give up a lot of things to live in a relationship. How many times have I told you that? Barbara: Well why would I want to do that? Give up the things that are important to me? Bollum: Because that’s what people do. Barbara: I can see that, but why would I want to do that? Bollum: Because like I said, you can’t go on living alone. Barbara: Why not? Bollum: Well how will you manage? Barbara: Manage? What do you mean by that? I pay my rent don’t I? And buy my own food. What does that have to do with being in a relationship? Bollum: Well that’s OK for now, but what if something serious happens? Who is going to take care of you then? Barbara: What about me? Bollum: Well what if you can’t take care of yourself? Barbara: Well I have friends and family and I live in a country where there is a support system for people who can’t take care of themselves. Bollum: I know, but that’s not the same as someone who loves you. Barbara: But isn’t that love? Bollum: Hmm… well maybe it is, but that’s not the kind of love I was talking about. I was talking about the “man-woman” type of love silly. The kind of love that knocks you off your feet. You know the “one and only” kind of love that they sing about in the love songs. You know the kind of love that really breaks your heart when it’s gone! Barbara: Oh that kind. Yeah I’ve tried that kind of love and it always makes me feel like I can’t breathe… Bollum: Sometimes I just don’t understand you. You and your freedom! Can’t you see that if you had that kind of love, you’d be willing to sacrifice everything for it? Barbara: Really? Bollum: Yes really, with a man like that in your life, you could give up your career and everything and just let him take care of you for the rest of your life. Barbara: And why would I want to do that? Why would I want to give up my career and everything that’s important to me for a man? Bollum: Because that’s what women do silly! Barbara: I know but it sure doesn’t sound like love to me, it sounds more like suicide! Bollum talks to Barbara – about improving this moment Bollum: There are so many things you could do to improve this moment Barbara. Barbara: Really? Like what? Bollum: Well you could clean up the apartment and wash your hair and sort out the papers in your office and… Barbara: Hold it, hold it, just hold it for a moment. Bollum: And pay your bills and get ready for work tomorrow… Barbara: Hold it, hold it… will you please! Bollum: And exercise and … Barbara: Will you please just give me a moment to say something. Bollum: OK well what? Barbara: OK well what does any of that have to do with improving this moment? Bollum: Well improving yourself and your life is what this moment is for silly. Barbara: Really? Bollum: Yes really. What else could it be for? Barbara: Well what about enjoying this moment for what it is? Bollum: Oh there you go again. Barbara: What do you mean? Bollum: There you go again with all your talk about enjoying the beauty of this moment. Barbara: Well what’s wrong with that? Bollum: A lot. I mean what’s so great about this moment? Barbara: A lot. Bollum: Like what? Barbara: Like for example we’re alive and this is it. Bollum: Well you’ll be alive in the future and then that will be it. Barbara: Can you be sure about that? Bollum: Well hopefully for your sake! Barbara: You’re always pushing me and trying to get me to get all worked up about tomorrow. Why can’t you ever get all worked up about today? Bollum: Because today is so boring. Barbara: Really? Bollum: Yeah. The now is so boring, but tomorrow—well tomorrow will be just great if only you’d get busy preparing yourself for it. Barbara: Really? It seems to me I’ve spent my whole life preparing for tomorrow and now I want to enjoy today. Bollum: But what about success? What about getting fit? What about making your home a showcase? What about finding a man? What about… Barbara: Yeah what about it? And what about now? What about this moment? What about just slowing down a bit and breathing into this moment? What about noticing the abundance and fullness of this! And this. And this! Bollum: Yeah yeah yeah, there you go again. What good is anything of this going to do us? Can you tell me that? Barbara: What good, well this is the Good! This is the Good I’m seeking. It’s right here. Bollum: You are hopeless! Hopeless! What am I going to do with you? Barbara: Hopefully nothing! Bollum: Yeah… nothing. How can you be satisfied with so little? Barbara: What do you mean? I have so much right now. In fact I have everything. All the wealth of the world belongs to me. You’re just so busy improving yourself that you never notice it! Bollum: Look sweetheart, I just want you to be happy. Barbara: But I am happy! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along! Bollum: But how can you be happy without a man and without being a success and without having money in the bank and without… Barbara: What does any of that have to do with being happy? Bollum: HELP!